The new year is barely a day old and I've already spotted a trend in the existential dread we tend to share through the notable but unremarkable closing of the year: Resolutions don't matter and you'll never actually keep up with them.

I tend to agree with this sentiment the more I witness others embarking on foolhardy quests to correct themselves. We tend to view resolutions as a punitive task, as penance for the crimes we've committed through sloth and exhaustion. Thousands of articles pop up every year to explain why your diet fails and to mock well-meaning but overly ambitious new gym patrons for daring to buy into seasonal hype in their quest to realize a slimmer body. We want the new year to bring new beginnings but in a culturally Christian fashion, we've absorbed a heady rhetoric of denying ourselves pleasure to see any marked improvement.

Some improvements do require denial, but torture is not an effective method of changing habits. Resolutions fail because we do not do enough to find the root cause of our struggles. Perhaps your relationship with food or alcohol is more emotional/stress related. If this is the case, diving headlong into salads and dwelling on all that's forbidden will not improve your emotional state. Same goes for exhaustion, over-extension, and any number of maladies we go through life shrugging off as "normal" when each new descent into self-inflicted torment takes another part of our sense of self.

I'm guilty of many failed attempts at remaking myself and being disappointed when changes seemed distant. I have clear goals for what I want to achieve, and much more realistic goals for even starting this process, but still I find myself looking toward January 1st with an ingrained notion that this may indeed be my year.

And every time I do too much to make a difference and allow the old gremlins of a poor work/life balance and emotional exhaustion to derail my progress. These are the root causes of many of my out-of-hand vices and failures (including maintaining this site and pursuing a creative career). Every stumbling block I face personally is tied to a difficulty in making time for myself. I'm not a psychologist but I have a fairly good idea why I tend to put myself last.

So for a resolution to work for me, it needs to come from a more positive, pleasurable perspective. I want to create, I want to study decadent literature, I want to learn French to facilitate studying decadence. All of these things are interconnected and align with core parts of my daily interest. Adding time to learn French to my day will require addressing my work/life balance, which could in turn allow me to be more motivated to go to the gym regularly, or cook rather than order out.

Starting with one small change and making time for it could be the key to unlocking the rest of my seemingly out of reach goals. The main difference is that learning a language should take time, I've learned languages before and understand the commitment required, and I'm more at ease with making it part of my daily routine. One happy goal that can unlock many other happy goals is the first orb on the sphere grid of my personal success.

Gamification is still a viable concept, particularly when you're better acquainted with fixing and arranging the lives of digital people than you are facing the realities of your own motivations.

As for resolutions being pointless, they're pointless when you only self-reflect whilst three drinks in at a New Year's Eve party. Part of my generation's reaction to the concept this year definitely feels like a rejection of commodification. Millennials do not wander the Earth rooting out concepts to kill for fun, but instead are reacting to generations of capitalist control over identity. Resolutions are just another commodified concept to many who are tired of getting flyers for discount subscriptions and fitness equipment. Seemingly overnight all the commercials I encountered shifted from whimsical spending to cheesy motivations for why Jenny Craig is relevant.

Facing the wink and a nod notion that humans want to change and fail but companies profit massively off the process can put you off participating in a social ritual. It doesn't feel like a ritual as much as a bill to pay in this instance and that ties nicely into the concept of self-improvement through penance. Younger people simply don't have the resources or the energy to struggle, spend money, feel bad about failing to change, then be stuck paying for a good or service they cannot immediately extricate.

But don't feel as if you have to abandon the concept of new year resolutions because the trend is toward rejection. Even if you're only thinking about tackling new ideas at the first of the year, it is possible you'll find something that sticks and benefits you. The trick is not setting your sights on a punishing task, and even if you do, not immediately beating yourself down by changing all at once. Add a walk to your schedule, learn common French phrases, or play a game that teaches core concepts in programming.

I'd like to be fatalistically enamored with decadence to the point to tell you there's no need to reflect and change as long as you're having fun, but that's not quite enjoyable. I don't enjoy being self-destructive as much as I enjoy being self-indulgent. Any change I can make to facilitate indulgence in a way that prolongs life's pleasures is more relevant to society than gazing into the abyss and embracing the numbness that nothing will improve.

In the United States, the most selfish thing you can do is deny a company money. Companies go to great lengths to acquire it, to market for it, and imprison consumers in a hamster wheel of debt and delivery. Being a bit selfish is not a bad thing in my mind, at least in regard to actually acting in your self interest rather than buying into the idea that not paying taxes somehow benefits anyone besides the man looking to commodify public services. Making small personal changes denies the resolution industry that early January boon but can still benefit you.

Which is why I opted to explore the online resources at local libraries for French courses rather than buying a program. I have four options available, four options I've helped fund through annual taxes (a whopping $0.50). I can improve my overall satisfaction and develop a new skill without ever giving into a web of payments and products tantalizingly discounted to ensnare a would-be resolutionist.

So yes, I do understand the powerful statement of not buying into the idea of annualized self-improvement but I find myself still falling for it in a wishy-washy way. I don't keep up with much by way of tradition, and even growing up not much emphasis was placed on resolutions, but I can't find the power to say no completely. Self-reflection is good and can be beneficial if you're realistic about what you aim to do and what is more immediately attainable.

My recommendation for 2019 is to embrace self-indulgence. It's self care on a level beyond spa days but absolutely continue with rampant pursuits of pleasure. Embrace the new American selfishness of denying commodification by any means necessary. Make things, write things, and support things that are not immediately tangible.

And resolve to find what actually makes you happy beyond what you can buy. What part of living could you improve that is completely within your power to improve? More importantly, what can you improve without torturing yourself first?

Now I'm off to try to say "il n'y a pas de quoi" without rushing through it with an unearned Parisian flourish.